the ugliest tie in the world

i do not have pictures, alas. (purchase more of my books, world, and i will provide you with pictures from my lovely digital camera.)

i discovered the ugliest tie in the world when i was cleaning out my closet. i do not know if this tie was somehow mixed in with my clothes unknown to me, or if this tie was left behind by a previous tenant.

the tie was electric purple. it was some form of polyester. the pattern was of various smiling stick figures hidden inside the radical electric squiggly lines of mid-eighties awesomeness.

this tie belonged around the neck of donatello, the ninja turtle. firstly, the tie was purple. secondly, donatello was the woefully-misguided-about-cool ninja turtle, and this tie was woefully misguided about cool.

imagine the tie a graphic designer in his late forties would design in the mid-eighties for a “boy george” dress-a-like son.

god, it was so bad.

i showed it to my brother. he grimaced, got this haunted look in his eyes. he said, “that’s the kind of tie you wear to a wal mart interview”.

it was the ugliest tie in the world.

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