Daily Archives: March 5, 2007

anybody want to volunteer?

i need a massage. i cannot pay for one on principle. but, my back is f-ing killing me. if you are in the neighborhood of erbenheim, deutschland and know what to do with a man’s back, i will repay you in some non-monetary form like lunch or beer.

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look, i’m just not in the mood right now.

have some coffee and cake or something. just, give some peace, though.

i’ve got a lot on mind and i can’t really deal with visitors right now.

look, here’s the tv remote.

i had a dream about a claymation film, that – while shown in theatres – was imitated by actors in black bodysuits with clay-like colorful heads. then, the theatre became a massive cruise ship, everyone was brought to different workshops to learn to express themselves, but they weren’t expressing themselves. they were merely imitating other art forms.

i was covered in cheese almost right away. i couldn’t get it off of my hands. i washed them for three days straight, angered that i was covered in this jalapeno cheese that looked like vomit and wouldn’t get off my hands. on the third day, i took a deep breath, clean of all the cheese, and tried to enjoy myself a little on that awful cruise.

then, some undercover employee of the cruise ship spilled the same damn cheese all over my favorite jacket – my jacket that’s a second skin – and i was so mad that i shoved the fellow head first into the steaming bucket of cheese.

at which point, i was arrested, and tied down and kept prisoner by these awful men with black body suits and cheerful, fake, colorful heads.

and i was insane and i was kept locked away while everyone else blissfully copied other things, calling it creative expression.

the cruise staff were afraid of me. i was doped up, tied down, and shoved aside in a white straight jacket below deck.

so, i’m a little out of it right now. you’re welcome to visit, but stay out of my way. i’ve got work to do, and i need some peace and quiet. i think there’s a cake somewhere, if you get hungry, and i know there’s a veritable ton of dvds in the living room.

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