Daily Archives: September 19, 2007

In Honor of the Foinest Holiday: International Talk Like a Pirate Day

Seek ye a great and mighty tome for yer long, arduous sea voyage?

The bestest of books be by, about, and for pirates. But, besiden these tomes, the bestest book of the sea be “MOBY DICK”, but it be havin’ a problem. ‘Tis in need of translationalism into the foinest of speeches: PIRATE.

“Call me Ishmael. Some years ago–never mind how long precisely–havin’ little or no doubloons in me purse, and nothin’ particular t’ interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see t’ watery part o’ t’ world. It be a way I have of drivin’ off t’ spleen and regulatin’ t’ circulation.Whenever I find meself growin’ grim about t’ mouth; whenever it be a damp, drizzly November in me soul; whenever I find meself involuntarily pausin’ before coffin warehouses,and brin’in’ up t’ aft o’ every funeral I meet; and especially whenever me hypos get such an upper hand o’ me, that it requires a strong moral principle t’ prevent me from deliberately steppin’ into t’ street,and methodically knockin’ people’s hats off–then, I account it high time t’ get t’ sea as soon as I can. This be me substitute for pistol and ball. With a philosophical flourish Cato throws himself upon his cutlas; I quietly take t’ t’ ship.There be nothin’ surprisin’ in this. If they but knew it, almost all men in their degree, some time or other, cherish very nearly t’ same feelin’s towards t’ ocean with me.”

THAT, me hearties, is a fine beginnin’ to a fine tale for a long, windless night.

(special thanks to project gutenberg and the english-to-pirate translator)

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super dead boy

I used to be a policeman
In the urban jungle
Until I arrested a headhunter
Who did not like to pay his taxes
He pricked me with the devil’s thigh bone
Immediately I became a zombie
By day I hide my affliction
Regenerating in smelly restaurant dumpsters
At night I stumble through the alleys
Hungry for justice!

I am everybody’s favorite super dead boy
Fighting crime all night long
When I encounter my enemies
I devour their brains!

I discover the evil doers
In their secret hideaways
Drug dealers and pimps and gangsters
All of them have tasty brains
They keep trying to shoot me with bullets
Or stab me with knives in the body
As if they’ve never seen a zombie movie
After eating, I play guitar on the rooftops
I never eat the brains of good citizens
I never eat any children
In fact I am quite popular
Among a local group of goth girls
Who maintain my website!

I am everybody’s favorite dead boy
Fighting crime all night long
When I encounter my enemies
I devour their brains!

I am surprisingly sneaky
Though I am not very fast
I creep up on my enemies
While they are distracted with their evil deeds
I bite their neck very quickly
Then I chew their face off
It can be quite bloody
But people always seem to cheer for me
My only weakness is my rotting flesh
Which is why people I save give me pickle juice!

I am everybody’s favorite super dead boy
Fighting crime all night long
When I encounter my enemies
I devour their brains!

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