I wanted to make sure he understood that I was no sucker for his cheap tricks. I showed up with both me eyes in full working order, no leprosy, and walking successfully on both my legs. I had my own wine, and my own loaves and fishes. I wasn’t going to share with anyone because I am not one of those suckers for a gaunt face or a hand outstretched palm. Nobody gives you anything in life. You have to grab it, hold it, and fight off anyone that tries anything suspicious. That’s the first thing you learn on the bus before you even have your route figured out, or the cost of the fare. People will take advantage of you let them. But not me.
I walked around in front of all those sick people. I didn’t let any of them touch me.
When it was my turn I didn’t believe for a minute anything was going to happen. Nothing at all would happen.
The wizard called to me from behind the curtain. I brought all my stuff with me, so he could see I didn’t need anything from him. His magic was nothing to me. He asked me what I wanted from him, if I needed anything.
I told him it was all a sucker’s game giving away all that to people for nothing.
The wizard gave me a giant bird. It tore my liver out on the spot with a beak like sandpiper – those scalpel beaks. He offered to save me, but I told him where to stick it. It was all his fault about the bird, and I wasn’t about to give him the satisfaction.
***Edit to add: typing on iPhones is always a bit wonky. Fixes and changes made.