1) The Sun.
“My Eyes, They BURNS!” Admit that you spend too much time staring at computer screens and not enough in actual sunlight.
2) Minecraft is NOT REAL. Building things in Minecraft DOESN’T MATTER.
“Look honey, I made this amazing skeleton skull island fortress on the computer, and lava pours from its eyes.” That would be more awesome, if it was real. Your Minecraft creations are not real. When you build something in real life, it’s real. When you show it to people, they won’t ask you why you think that’s a good use of your time.
3) Creepers Suck
The Minecraft World is overgrown with these things that will explode and blow up your house and constructions. Garden pests generally don’t blow s*** the f*** up while you cower in fear behind a wall. I mean, bears in some parts of the world, sure, but they’re not common around civilized areas. Also, bears don’t explode. Generally, they don’t.
Admit that you spend too much time sitting at your computer and admit that you could use more exercise in sunlight, digging and weeding and making a complex series of movements that require range of motion.
5) Embracing futility in the garden is rewarded with less futility, not more.
In Minecraft, you do many tedious things that generally only lead to more tedious things. (e.g. I have constructed an awesome palace to insulate me from the outside world. That means I have more time for my underwater sanctuary construction to observe 8-bit squid in their natural habitat!) In the garden, when you weed, you are rewarded with less weeding next time as weeds don’t have a chance to reseed. When you harvest, you are done and you eat the harvest. It is delicious. Then you take a shower and read a book.
6) Rewards in the garden are far greater.
If you think finally finding a Diamond is rewarding, try harvesting rare and delicious varieties of fruits and vegetables after months of careful effort. In the garden, the first tomato of the season is something precious and beautiful and wonderful. Imagine pulling that first Cherokee Purple down, rinsing it off and biting. Vine-ripened tomatoes are just better, and I’m not talking about the sad rubber balls strung together like fish at the grocery store. If you’ve never had a purple tomato fresh from the vine, you are failing at life, for there is only one life to live and you are missing out on one of the best things that is there for us in life.
7) Thwart Actual Enemies That Are Real, 24/7, 365!
Nightfall in Minecraft means hiding from monsters, or fighting them. Daylight and you walk around and swipe at pigs and sheep and punch trees to pass the time. In the garden, you are always at war with the creatures that infest the ground, looking for any opportunity to steal what is rightfully yours. Nightfall in the garden means insects and squirrels, or even an occasional deer. Arm thyself, and do battle against foes that are actually real! Match wits with nature! Your foes will try to vanquish you and claim your horde, and you must act to preserve your garden goodness!
8) Gardening does not generally hamper productivity more than about two to four hours at a time.
Minecraft can easily swallow hours of your day once you mistakenly start. Because gardening has a physical element, it generally doesn’t swallow 12 hours of your day like dreaming because that would be way too much actual, physical work in the garden. the physical aspect of gardening means you will get tired and you will stop and get on with your day.
9) Science is awesome. SCIENCE!
Gardening requires practical applications of biology, geology, climatology, ecology, chemistry, and engineering. Minecraft requires an internet connection and a weblink to a recipe book. That’s not science. Testing soil, researching and constructing good environments for desired plants, researching and solving problems and watching the weather to figure out microclimate solutions and constructing tools and equipment from recycled materials because SCIENCE! Gardening is better than minecraft because SCIENCE!
10) Surviving the Apocalypse
Minecraft is sort of a garden of eden, post-apocalyptic, pixelated dreamworld. But, there is coming to us soon a real post-apocalyptic world that is not in 8-bit. Constructing your Minecraft fortress against the skeletons and zombies coming up from underground in Minecraft does not prepare you for the actual zombie and skeleton invasion, wherein gardening is a set of skills that can save your life as the zombies are coming. Because they are coming for you and your brains and your families’ brains. Get ready.
Garden. It’s better than Minecraft.