The Cleanest Phone

Unbeknownst to me, my cellphone was jammed deep in a pocket of some gym shorts, that were gross and needed washing. The phone was pretty gross, too. But, at least it functioned. Now, it does not. The phone is dead. It is clean, and dead. 

We heard it bang-bang-banging in the dryer, and couldn’t figure out what it was until we also noticed my phone was missing, and I went digging way down deep into the unholy depths of those gym shorts. Why are the pockets of gym shorts so much deeper and easier to lose things in than regular pockets? If I was a smurf looking for a place to hide, that’d be the place to go. No one would even notice me if the gym shorts were blue. I’d hide there, until such time as the laundry pile started to move, and then I’d be shocked to discover I was trapped deep in a pocket, unable to escape from the unexpected flood.
The phone is dead. I will be poking around and seeing if I can’t find something else to jam into my ear and mumble at.

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